Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
