My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
