So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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