Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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