I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
