I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
In other news, I just burned my penis
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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