Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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