My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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