I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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