there's paper in my vomit.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
