God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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