everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
