Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize