Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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