Plan B is the new Plan A
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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