u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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