You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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