Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
