When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
