I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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