i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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