The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
