I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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