the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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