I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
