I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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