i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
