Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
