while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
