You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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