Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
