i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
