Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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