So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
