If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
