there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
