so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
