I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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