Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
