I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
