Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
