Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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