I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
