omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
