my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
