we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
