im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He shit in the fireplace
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
