I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
