i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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