There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
