can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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