I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She said her name was "party"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
