that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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