My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
