Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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