come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
bring money and cleavage
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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