I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
