When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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