and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
