Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
