I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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