What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
