He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
