Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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