Michael Bay diarrhea
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
