I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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