Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
