I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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